Sunday, July 19, 2009

And a mother was born.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutly new.

~ Rajneesh

April 27th, 2008

I awoke after a long night shift at my job as a security operator around 11 am and raced to the bathroom. My legs buckled and I fell to the floor grasping the toilet, I was shaking and begun to dry heaved for about 20 minutes until finally some stomach bile came up. After leaning against the wall for a minute or two, loving the coolness of the heatvent at my side, I was able to stand up again. I figured I was just getting sick. I tend to always be sick around this time of year. Gather myself together with mouthwash and a bathrobe I had on the back of the door, I retired to the kitchen for brunch. My loving boyfriend, Eddi, was just getting home from school and found me on the couch in his basement with a bag of crackers and a washcloth on my head. With a little giggle he came over and asked me if I was alright. I playfully slapped his shoulder and told him I was not feeling well but that it would pass in a few days. Eddi made me some of his famous soup, I call it Eddi Soup. All it consists of is Liptons Chicken Noodle Soup with tiny pasta. We are fond of macaroni but have also made it with bowties or small homemade soup pastas.

After a few spoonfulls of soup I felt full. I packaged the rest for later before I had to head off to work and went back to laying on the couch. I had the tv on for noise but wasn't really watching anything. The basment of Eddi's house is wonderful. Wood fireplace, projection screen for movies, and built in bar with a pool table. Perfect for the bachelor that he was when I met him. And I admit, I love it too. I'd always been a fan of pool and since I grew up on a farm in my early childhood years, the fireplace was my comfort of home I had lost. At the moment, I was just laying on my back, arm over my eyes, head spinning, trying not to throw up. I felt so bad and was worried that I might have pneumonia. I had it once when I was little and was in the hospital for a month on IV, they thought I was going to die. But in the words of my Grandmother "I'll go when I'm good and ready and right now I'm d**n well not ready!"
A few weeks had passed and I still was not feeling tip top. Eddi had gone away to work for the summer so I was left alone in the house. I missed him horribly and he was worried I was not surviving without him. I am pretty tough by nature as I raised myself and my younger brother, but when Eddi's around, Im like a baby. I let him cook for me and take care of all my needs. I adore it. So while Eddi was away I lived on crackers, soup, ice cream, and pickles. I LOVE pickles. There is a little corner gas station by my work that sells huge german pickles in packages of pickle juice. They come one to a bag that opens likes cheese string does. They tasted amazing, but I only ate them for about 2 weeks until I saw a big fat trucker buy 5 and drink the juice on his way out the door. I almost threw up in the parking lot.
Eddi would come down every other weekend to see me and one weekend after he left we both were questioning this sickness I had. A few hours after he left he texted me and said "I think next weekend when I come down we should get a pregnancy test". We both were scared to see the results. Eddi bought one on his way to pick me up from work that Friday he came back to town. Saturday morning when we woke up I took it. I remember sitting on the toilet, shaking, waiting out the 3 minutes for the results. When the time was up and slowly the little + sign came into view the shaking got worse. My heart fluttered and I was so scared but a little smile crept on my face and I put a hand to my stomach thinking of the wonderful thing inside me. Now the hard part. To go back into the bedroom where Eddi was waiting for me and tell him that we were having a baby. I walked down the hall back to our room and lay on the bed beside him. Eddi rolled onto his side, swallowed, took a deep breath and said "So?" With the test held tightly in my hand I looked into his eyes and said "Youre a daddy." Eddi dropped onto his back and with a blank stare at the roof whispered "Sh*t."

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