Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The tie which links mother and child is of such pure and immaculate strength as to never be violated.
~Washington Irving
Summer 2008
Eddi would try and come see me each weekend if he had the money. With the gas prices so high and his long work days it was not uncommon for me to go two weeks without seeing him. But we kept up our relationship through daily e-mails, as I had nothing better to do at work at 2am on a Wednesday, and morning wake up phone calls.
Fighting seemed to be inevitable whenever we were together though. When we would have a day or two together it was always talking about the baby and what we should do. Eddi was just two years from graduating and I was working a nothing job and had no secondary eduacation at all. We never saw eye to eye on what to do with the little bundle that was slowly growing inside me.
One of our heated talks ended up with us considering abortion. Eddi didn't want to tell his family as he thought they would be highly ashamed of him and think that I was just lying to him about everything to get his money. When the reality of it is, he has no money as hes a student living off rice and only works 4 months of the year. This was just something that happened to us and we had no control over it now that it was done.
After a few weeks of thinking about abortion I finally broke down and told Eddi I wasn't doing it. The thought of having something ripped out of me with a vacuum that was living, and a huge part of me now, was not my idea of 'dealing with the situation'.
A few more weeks past and Eddi's mother came up with him one weekend to just check on the house and see how things were going. This was the time we figure was best to tell his parents. Eddi told his mother alone, I figured it was best as she didn't know me very well and I wanted her to tell him her honest feelings about it. I never did hear the whole story on what she thought... But our next decision we thought of was adoption.
Eddi e-mailed some adoption agencies over the next few weeks and one weekend when he came up we met a lady at a coffee shop. Worst place EVER for a pregnant lady to be in. The smell of the beans was over bearing, the clangs of mugs and pots boiling were ratteling my brain. And on top of that, we were early and had to sit there for 15 minutes waiting for a lady that we were not even sure was there already or not. After some nerve wracking waiting, a lady walked in with a huge folder and we knew that was our lady. She sat down, offered us coffee which we both turned down, and went straight to business. The whole time I was upset. I didn't want to be in a place that was making me want to throw up, and the lady had no respect for me at all. She kept on telling me that I was too young, had no experience at all, and would never be able to handle this baby and the best thing to do was to give it away the second I bore it. I was so angry I couldn't even talk to her. After 5 minutes the whole thing was done. We took her card and left. I didn't talk to Eddi the whole way home. I still have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach every time we pass that coffee shop.

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